The world has remade, rebooted, rehashed, reimagined and redone so many already great things, but often times nothing whatsoever was actually improved from the original to the updated. On the other hand, sometimes brilliant advancements and evolutions arrive whose appeal we can’t deny enjoying, even if the old stuff always holds a place in our hearts.

Take recording technology, for example. Vinyl never completely died. Hipsters, discerning audiophiles and the fortunate ones who remember the halcyon days of Hi-Fi appreciate that stalwart recording technology’s unique nuances (and limitless, nostalgic iconography of music history’s greatest days) and will forever embrace it. On the other hand, this is the information age; portability and instant accessibility is king, and a Hi-Fi-tricked-out Prius would just price anybody right out of ever owning one. But here’s one hot hybrid well worth setting your sights on.

The Crosley USB Record Player means you’ll never have to make up your mind, picking up one and leavin’ the other behind. This portable throwback is encased in a stylish black or tan case with all the simple character of a vintage component. The three-speed, belt-driven turntable will play 33.33, 45 or 78 RPM records with a diamond-stylus needle and dynamic full-range stereo speakers and adjustable tone control.

But here’s your real kick in the head: should you feel so inclined, plug in the equipped USB cable to any computer and use the included software suite to convert your vinyl treasures to portable mp3 back-ups, or your CD collection.

If you treasure your vinyl library, don’t ask yourself, “is this worth the price?” Don’t even necessarily ask those musical treasures’ collective monetary worth. Ask yourself, would my heart break if losing those records cost me more golden musical memories than any dollar amount could buy back? Maybe you can’t afford not to have a USB turntable converter in your home audio equipment collection.

  Crosley Keepsake Record Player & Converter ($169.99)

I’m picky about my computer keyboards in the same way that I’m a wine “connoisseur”: I like ‘em sweet and cheap. And when it comes to keyboards, that sweet spot is what I call a “typist’s keyboard” – meaning there’s enough depth to the keys to provide a bit of give/weight; the keys are moderately slick to the touch and untextured; fancy shortcut keys are easily forgone for a small(ish) profile and simplistic style. My current keyboard is so plain it doesn’t even have an indication of manufacturer, but it performs like a champ. Unfortunately though, it’s been plagued by what always ultimately kills my keyboards: with continued use, the letters keep on wearing off.

Enter the brilliantly useful glowing stickers keyboard decals.

What I love about these particular glowing keyboard stickers are that they are not “glow in the dark” in the same way as those totally groovy stars we used to stick all over our ceilings. These require some ambient light to shine (like the light, say, from your computer monitor) so they provide excellent visibility only when *you* want them to glow. That means no wacky glowing keyboard to distract you when your attention is turned to non-computing matters. (Bow chicka.)

I can forsee these being really useful not only to atone for wayward letters that have long since rubbed off to sunnier pastures, but when you’re playing an intense game in semi-darkness as I like to do, a little keyboard illumination is always useful. I don’t mean to glow’t (lawl!) but while I personally type 95 wpm, I have never quite figured out touch-typing for the number row. (Go ahead, dock me “nerd cred”. I’ll wait.) And final bonus: these glowing stickers will save me from replacing my keyboard every year or two. Huzzah for clever innovations!

  Glowing Keyboard Stickers ($9.99)

There are almost no words to describe the sheer, gleeful amusement I experienced when I found this USB pole dancer toy. Literally, I think I let out a squee. A proper feminist, I am not!

Candi is her name, and pole dancing is her game! Plug her into the USB and audio port on your computer, and whenever a sound plays, this pole dancing girl swivels and gyrates around like it’s her job (though you might lose yours if you take this to work – but what a way to go!) And if this decidedly non-PC PC pole dancer is too much of a treasure to leave behind when your computer time is done, Candi will also gladly groove to the tunes of your choosing on any mp3 player. Sure, watching a pole dancer doll do her thang to “Pour Some Sugar On Me” would be fun, but why not mix it up with a playlist of classical music or Christian pop?

Yes, I am definitely going to hell.

USB Pole Dancing Girl ($27.49)

This right here is easily the most stylish and functional vajayjay I’ve ever seen! (Not that I’ve witnessed that many lady parts up close and personal, mind you. Ahem.) Feast your eyes and flex your fingers for the G-Point Vagina Mouse!

Now before you get too titillated by excitement, I have some bad news to break: the G-Point Mouse is (as yet) only a design concept. But a damn sexy one it is! The mouse comes with an extra special button that can be mapped to your favorite website (Geek Gems or Scarlettopia of course!) and a sleek, supple exterior that just begs to be stroked. Just remember, lads – a PC pointing device is no acceptable substitute for a real life woman, but it may just give you a leg up (or finger up?) for the secrets to pleasing your current or future lady love. She can thank me later.

G-Point Mouse Design [thanks to @stuartnewsom for the tip!]

If you’re like me, you grew up intensely fascinated with the Light Bright and decorated your room with lava lamps, because back in the day colorful light was Totally Amazing Technology, yo! And what can I say – I still think they’re pretty damn sweet. So I love the concept behind the USB Moody 4-Port Hub, which gently rotates between 7 colors, making it perfect for a soothing atmosphere or some swanky mood lighting when you’re knockin’ boots. (Candles are so overrated!) And lest you forget your name and address – after a particularly rousing 18 straight hours of playing WoW, perhaps? – it comes complete with a name card holder. Yay for random add-ons!

USB Moody 4-Port Hub ($12)

Dr. Mario was one of my favorite NES games growing up, a Tetris-esque puzzle game where you flip and stack dual-colored pills in order to eradicate cute … Err, nasty n’ viscous virus bugs. And while the good doctor is no match for Internet-borne nasties, he can give you extra space on your PC to fill up with games and other goodies via 8BitMemory’s 320 GB Dr. Mario External Hard Drive. And if Mario isn’t your bag, there are several other classic NES titles to choose from – and even SNES cartridges for those non-purists. (NES Classic forever!)

320GB Dr. Mario External Hard Drive ($119.99)