Etsy artisan BaconFactory creates the most stunning word burned art portraits I’ve ever seen – and I absolutely love how many of the subjects are decidedly geeky in nature.

Hang the Joker portrait from The Dark Knight and ask your guests, “why so serious?” Or perhaps an iconic pose from the Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter films would make a perfect nod to your fandom of their respective series. Star Wars and World of Warcraft are also duly represented (the pyrography portrait of a Night Elf is especially breathtaking). And for those wanting to pay homage to silver screen Hollywood ingénues, Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn are yours for the wood burned bliss.

Insert obligatory joke about how they already give you “wood” here. ;)

  BaconFactory Pyrography Art ($44.90)

Like sands down a picture frame … this is my productivity sliding down the tubes.

Will these desktop sand windows back up my hard drive? No. Help me take better pictures, make better meatloaf, or woo my dream woman? No. Can this thing even find lost car keys? No. But it will briefly help you forget that you lost them!

Just let the flowing sands cased within a black beech-wood or walnut picture frame slide over one another. While the sand windows’ speeds and directions change to form their own perfect landscapes before your eyes, it’s like watching the creation of an utterly unique work of art, right before your eyes – and right by your side at your desk or on your end-table.

It’s instant, customizable, interactive art at your fingertips. It’s unusual we wax philosophical about these products, but it really reaffirms the miracle of something being created from nothing to watch something so simple as moving sands create a seemingly random (yet undeniably beautiful) landscape before one’s own eyes. Each sand window also includes a small syringe for removing water and air, the regulation of which will alter the way the sand flows and thus, what majesty it creates with each turn.

  Desktop Sand Window ($90)

Sure, some great creations take intricate planning before moving toward a finished product that one can appreciate. Other times, simply the creative process of watching something appear from veritable nothing by one’s hand is more than enough.

The water painting Buddha Board will take you away from the normally sensible practice of beginning with an end in mind, and teach the lesson of living in the moment and appreciating it for what it is, exactly because it’s gone quickly like drying water.

Every stroke of the bamboo brush against the 12″x9.5″ white board will reveal a vision seemingly in black ink. Paint whatever your spirit shows you, paying no mind to an ultimate, masterpiece vision – for as the water dries, your vision gently fades away. Ideally, it is only putting brush to board that should matter. For results that last a prolonged moment longer, use more water with more intense brush strokes, so that evaporation takes more time. But whether painting with fine, thin strokes that disappear within 5-10 seconds, or thick, intense strokes that endure for 5-15 minutes at a time, the Buddha Board will never wear out, but will instead always stand ready for you to enjoy an inspiring, creative moment.

However, if you’d like to capture your final image for posterity … take a picture. It’ll last longer.

  The Original Buddha Board ($31.50)

I firmly believe that harming a good book in any way should be punishable by law. Ripping the pages, ruining the binding, drawing pictures of ninjas fighting dragons inside the covers and other such actions are the most heinous of crimes. Unless of course you commit these crimes and make something totally awesome with the remains. That is exactly what exempts these hollowed book safes from being such an offense.

Hardcover copies of various books – from classics including Gone With the Wind to contemporary tomes like The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – are bound together and then pages are carved out, creating a nifty little hiding place for whatever can fit into the given space. You could hide cash, a stash, a flask, or some more intimate items in these hollowed out books without worrying about anyone other than a fellow bookworm stumbling across them. As a packrat and book lover, this just screams useful. These also make perfect gifts and wrapping; imagine the surprise on a person’s face when they open their new hollow book safe and find a gifted trinket (or sneaky flask) inside!

  Secret Safe Books ($40 and up)

I think it’s so much fun when classic video game characters are given a new twist, and this Princess Peach art – done in a classic, vintage pin-up style (something I also adore) – is equally sassy and sweet. It’s a one of a kind painting done in acrylics on an old framed print – so not only is it completely original, but the piece is upcycled as well. Love it!

  Mario Brothers Princess Peach Pinup ($25)

Hey, kids! Are you a little bit country, and a little bit Hot Topic? Having a little trouble reconciling your “Hello Kitty” feng shui with your more rustic sensibilities? Is that special toddler in your life due a good traumatizing? Then for the first – and in all likelihood, only – time in your life, a winner is you!

Cherrybox Studios’ Plush Kill Wall Series guarantees one of two reactions and probably nothing in between: the start of a memorable conversation, or someone backing slowly out of the room and never taking their eyes off you. Each 12-inch stuffed head of a Mouse, Unicorn, Panda, Spring Buck or Bunny has been molded and stitched from “fleece, felt, polyfil stuffing, trim and love” and mounted on a wooden backing with appropriately kitschy wood-textured backing paper.

It’s more than an off-putting living room accent, really; it’s a social experiment. Make up a unique, grimly detailed back-story for each “hunt” and see how long each soon-to-be-sorry-they-asked guest takes to put as much distance between themselves and you as they can. Even better: when Junior’s nightmares start after this adorns the big empty wall over the tyke’s bed, bring this adorable taxidermy in to the next conference with a child psychiatrist/school counselor/priest. Note the reaction. Post a detailed account here in the comment section!

Innovate new forms of punishment via psychological warfare! The next time your bundle of joy steps out of line and starts clutching a favored plush toy, look at the toy, look at the wall and ask Junior if he/she thinks Hot Cross Bunny would like some company. Then enjoy the frightened, uncomfortable peace and quiet!

(Note: Neither Geek Gems nor myself, Sleepless Colin, actively promotes the above parenting practices. But if you have irritating, grown-up company over, have at it with the other suggestion. Some grown ups do, in fact, deserve it.)

  Plush-Kill Wall Animals ($42+)

When I was a kid, we lived in an area that was particularly prone to fireflies. When they were out in hordes, so were the neighborhood kids, all of us with glass jars. Who didn’t want a firefly night light?

These solar jar lights are like a permanent firefly jar. The Sun and Moon Jars are solar-powered and come in three colors (sun, moon, and pink moon). Set them in a place that gathers sunlight during the daytime (like a window sill), and because they contain an LED energy light sensor, they’ll come on automatically when it gets dark. Since they’re actual frosted mason jars, that means they’re also waterproof; you can use your solar light jars outdoors without fear of a random rain shower shorting them out.

As a bonus, if anybody asks you what you keep in them, you can just tell them that’s where you store your sunlight.

  LED Sun/Moon Jars ($34.99)

Maybe it’s just me, but these funny face mugs remind me way, way too much of the talking stone pillars in Labyrinth. Any moment, I’m expecting the doughnut to tumble out as as bass-heavy voice intones: “Beware, for the path you take will lead to certain destruction!” I mean, c’mon – look at this thing:

You remind me of the babe?

I like the quirky functionality though, and if you’re like me and are one who insists upon nomming on warm cookies (room temperature is for chumps!) then I’m betting having a hot beverage lending its ambient heat to whatever you’ve tucked in the mouth cubby would be a nice touch. Still, they’re an oddity – and no amount of David Bowie crotch bulge is gonna convince me otherwise! [via HolyCool]

Face Mug ($18)

I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical reason for perching a pair of elf ears on your car. No really, there has to be some sense to this … Maybe some kind of vehicle-based Lord of the Rings LARPing action? Hey, let’s see you come up with something better!

The Elf Car Costume comes with ears that are a sorry excuse for Middle-Earthian appendages, and a completely inexplicable striped hat for your grille that would look far more at home perched on the noggin of a Where’s Waldo cosplayer. The product info states that the elf ears are easy to install on rolled-up windows. A design requirement or a safety precaution, given all the insults and ridicule that will likely be hurled in your direction? Only one way to find out!

Elf Car Costume ($7.98)

Writing this blog is awesome, but totally dangerous for my nonexistent cash flow, as I keep discovering little obsessions I never knew I had. For example, did you know that robots could be so adorably d’awwwww? First it was the geekishly precious robot salt and pepper shaker, and now I’m all melty over the handmade robot greeting cards by lrhbindustries. Not only is the drawing all wistful and lovely, but the binary code actually translates to “MISS”, making this a perfectly nerdy and thoughtful gift for that faraway internet paramour of yours. There are also super sweet birthday, thank you, and robot Valentine’s Day cards to choose from, and really affordable at $3.50 a pop. (You’d spend that much on a generic Hallmark card, and trust me – paper crafts are much more keepsake-worthy!)

Robot “Thinking of You” Card ($3.50)