Geek Novelties

Carpet Skates

by Sleepless Colin on May 19, 2011 · 1 comment

Know what doesn’t break out nearly randomly enough? Hockey games.

Not many droll, drab tux-and-tails affairs couldn’t be improved vastly by 12 gentlemen and ladies spontaneously fashioning a crude puck of a canapé or tuna can, sticks from a few brooms (or, would one be so inclined, actual hockey sticks), and a net from a pet kennel or fireplace. And here you go, folks: now, you needn’t even want for skates.

The friction-resistant plastic base and foam foot grip of Simtec’s Carpet Skates fit over any athletic shoe (up to an adult size 15) with an adjustable hook and loop closure. Find a big carpeted room with some wide open space, like a hotel conference or banquet room, and imagine that any place is center ice at Madison Square Garden. For you showier sorts, check out the DVD that comes included with your carpet skates with bonus performance tips and artsy tricks.

Or … just glue it together with about six or seven other DVDs, and you’ve got another puck. Watch the DVD. Hit the DVD. To each, their own.

If Clerks should’ve taught us anything, it’s that there isn’t a bad place on God’s green Earth for a good pick-up game. Whoopity-doo, so Mom told you never to play ball in the house? Don’t use a ball. Use a puck. GAME ON!

Simtec Fun Slides Skates ($15)

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Cthulhu Bobblehead

by Sleepless Colin on May 2, 2011 · 1 comment

in: Geek Novelties

Oh, bobbleheads. Do your whimsies know an end? See those planetoid-sized noggins weeble wobble to and fro, back and forth, side to side and try keeping a dour expression. I double dares ya! That being said, I consider anything that would bait me or anyone else into laughing before the visage of the greatest of the Great Old Ones a sick, sick entrapment.

If one can’t tell, Cthulhu is a little something of a patron saint here in the Palace of Geekdom, to whom we pay most frequent homage. That isn’t by choice. Our patron saint was first a big mischievous St. Bernard named Schubert but Cthulhu ate it. Then it was going to be the cast of St. Elsewhere – kind of a “dramatic ensemble of saints” thing – but Cthulhu ate them too. We hoped after that debacle, he’d be so full that he couldn’t devour 1980′s sitcom star Susan St. James. We were wrong.

But I think it’s panned out. When we’re working hard but not hard enough, Cthulhu makes us snap-to. At the Geek Gems Home Office and its three Midwest satellite locations, destractions abound. Mass Effect 2 and Dragon Age are SRS BZNS. So is The Office. And Archer. And always Twitter. But when production flags as we reach for remote controls, games and controllers, we meet the Great Old One’s amber-eyed visage as that comically unstable noggin wobbles emphatically side to side as if to warn us one last time, “Don’t even think about it! MOAR comical underpants! MOAR British sci-fi inspired kitchenwares! MOAR Wayne’s World! MOAR!”

Which is why we have a proposal, and to quash rumors, it is not borne of a certain demigod’s hinting that failure will result in the eating of a New Orleans-based football team: bigger Cthulhu bobble heads! Six-foot ones! Seems that green gentleman thinks with one good stare down and a wild nod of his tentacle chin from the House floor, he could have Congress not just balancing a budget but personally apologizing at every American household’s doorstep.

You’ll believe in change. Or else.

Cthulhu Bobblehead Doll ($12.99)

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Unique Perfumes and Colognes

by Sleepless Colin on April 24, 2011 · 1 comment

in: Geek Novelties

Gentlemen and ladies, please agree upon this much: to a certain extent, we don’t wear cologne and perfume for ourselves. No, we adorn ourselves with those meticulously blended and balanced aromas hoping that the memories, emotions, feelings and intense sensations they we hope evoke – more often than not, of the amorous persuasion – will capture first the mind by mesmerizing the senses, then slowly perhaps a heart as an association grows between the unique intoxication of scent and us.

Demeter Fragrance Library went a very simple route and designed fragrances you’ll enjoy wearing just for yourself, but that do what decades of pretentious, overly-artsy advertisements shilling CK1 and White Diamonds never, ever have: they actually tell you exactly what the stuff smells like!

It works a little like the 1996 John Travolta hit Michael. Travolta played the titular archangel, who could adapt his scent to imitate whatever aromas evoke a person’s warmest, most comforting memories, putting especially women who encountered him at ease within a cozy comfort zone – even more so when he’s in heat. So where do you want this most powerful and influential of the five senses to take you? If you’re seeking the on-ramp for the expressway to the most cherished bits of your childhood, just spray and sniff just a hint of the cotton candy, crayon or Junior Mints fragrances. The latter sounds particularly sweet and sensual, with its cool, balanced blend of peppermint, wild mint, cocoa bean, vanilla and dark chocolate.

Personally, for as much as polite society champions the gentleman wearing the subtle (but over-priced) fragrances that blend aromatic hints of leather and sawdust, a man just needs to smell like a man. Save the guess-work with expensive brands. Pick up the fragrances of whiskey/tobacco, fresh dirt or even sawdust itself, and truly smell how a man is meant to.

Or if you just want a unique scent that makes an entire room crave Funyons and ice cream, try the cannabis flower scent. Described as “slightly floral, slightly spicy,” this fragrance has a “deep and penetrating attraction.” Not to be worn – or, better yet, probably not brought anywhere near – an airport. May get you lucky at a Dave Matthews Band concert. You may never get Snoop Dogg and Charlie Sheen off your doorstep.

Smells like winning to me!

Demeter Fragrance Library Colognes ($19.99)

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Bottle Top Tripod

by Sleepless Colin on March 30, 2011 · 1 comment

in: Geek Novelties

No jokes, this time. Nothing sarcastic. No wit. This is actually far too neat and inexpensive for that.

First, Edmund Scientific showed me an intelligent, voice command robot R2D2. But then came something that I admit, boasts two key features that little 15″ stack of awesome doesn’t: this is both useful and inexpensive.

I can’t speak on everyone’s behalf, but I dare not begin counting how many plastic water bottles sit about my place on a regular basis. Incidentally, I also dare not count how many times I could’ve really taken better pictures for want of a simple tripod. Enter the bottle tripod.

The universal mount fits pretty much any compact camera; the bottle tripod itself attaches atop a standard-size water bottle lip and pivots 15 degrees in any direction. Making sure it balances the camera’s weight could be as simple as … well, using a faucet and filling the bottle! Also, consider this: one little water bottle could easily perch atop places no tripod could, making for some unique angles. And as an outdoors-geek who can appreciate tiny devices that store easily amidst fanny-pack and backpack clutter, the bottle top tripod might be the coolest thing since beef jerky in a resealable bag.

Bottle Cap Tripod ($9.95)

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Robot Crayons

by Sammee on March 22, 2011 · 0 comments

in: Geek Kids, Geek Novelties

Coloring is a timeless past time; you’re never too young or too old to grab a box of crayons and color in that picture of Pinkie Pie from that My Little Pony coloring book. However, you can get tired of the same old crayons very quickly. I mean, those things never change! They have always had their thin, cylindrical structure. Totally boring, right? How about spicing up your hum-drum crayon box with some awesome robot crayons!

Who wouldn’t have a blast coloring with bright robot shapes? If you think you wouldn’t, just imagine having these little guys on a shelf for display, or using them to act out the great robot war between red and yellow over who will have control of orange and his mysterious ability to love. I’d say that potential adventure alone makes this set worth buying. Well that, and come on – you’d be the coolest person around if somebody wanted to color and you whipped these great little guys out. ;)

Lil Doodlers Robots ($8.95)

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