For every monumental revolution of the mind whose time has come (see: titanium sporks), at least two arise whose uses could have unintended consequences, but that are just too entertaining for anybody to pass up.
Thanks to the Scrolling License Plate Frame, you have bellowed a mid-rush hour, Tourette’s-addled tirade to wacky drive-time DJs for the last time. Now you can forevermore vent your rage in 120 LED characters or less to the amusement of any and all far-less-cool motorists stuck behind you.
The world’s your oyster with this handy trinket, folks. If you’ve word-vomited it via Twitter, you can share it with other complete strangers along the highway. Pre-enter up to five messages using the included wireless remote (NOT in mid-drive, please) and get across any message you can think of. Set the frame to turn on anytime you start the ignition, or just whenever you hit the brakes.
For example, “I Found This At GeekGems.com. Ain’t It Cool?” weighs in at only 96 characters. Tack on 24 exclamation points. We won’t mind – honest! Then again, your standard 4chan user obviously needn’t have mastered Egyptian algebra to realize that “BUTSECKS LOLZ” only takes 13 characters.
Before you revel in the red LED kick-ass of the supreme mobile Twitter, please check your local vehicle regulations, as LED license plate frames may not be legal everywhere. And again, hands off the remote while your foot’s off the brake.
If you were anything like me as a child, you loved your Gameboy games to the point that some would consider it an unhealthy obsession. Well, “some” would be wrong. There’s nothing wrong with loving your games enough to want to sleep, eat, and bathe with them, right? Eating and sleeping with games has never been much of a problem. Sadly most gaming companies still haven’t perfected the art of waterproof cartridge video games. But there is hope yet: Digital Soaps has done it! These little soaps are just amazing. Now you have the chance to be truly … er, intimate with your games, and it’s perfectly fine because it’s helping your hygiene! Of course, you could also save them for a sexy, geeky couple-shower. Nothing makes a nerdy girl melt like being rubbed down with a scented video game!
These video game soaps are available in different scents too, depending on which one you order; yellow, for example, has a wonderful Mountain Dew-like scent. And don’t worry if Gameboy wasn’t your thing. There are also NES, SEGA (oh the nostalgia!), PlayStation, Xbox, and other soap replicas available for you to choose from. Now you’re totally free to get sudsy with Samus, lather up with Link, and get mega-clean with Mega Man. ;)
There are almost no words to describe the sheer, gleeful amusement I experienced when I found this USB pole dancer toy. Literally, I think I let out a squee. A proper feminist, I am not!
Candi is her name, and pole dancing is her game! Plug her into the USB and audio port on your computer, and whenever a sound plays, this pole dancing girl swivels and gyrates around like it’s her job (though you might lose yours if you take this to work – but what a way to go!) And if this decidedly non-PC PC pole dancer is too much of a treasure to leave behind when your computer time is done, Candi will also gladly groove to the tunes of your choosing on any mp3 player. Sure, watching a pole dancer doll do her thang to “Pour Some Sugar On Me” would be fun, but why not mix it up with a playlist of classical music or Christian pop?
Yes, I am definitely going to hell.
This massively wacky tooth care set, featuring what must be the world’s only bacon flavored dental floss, is either brilliant or disgusting – and my best guess is that it’s a little bit of both. Along with the aforementioned pork-flavored variety, the breakfast floss set also comes with coffee and waffle flavors. Got a little leftover breakfast stuck in your chompers? Wiggle it free with some waxed bacon floss, baby! Open wide and say yummmmm. ;)
I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical reason for perching a pair of elf ears on your car. No really, there has to be some sense to this … Maybe some kind of vehicle-based Lord of the Rings LARPing action? Hey, let’s see you come up with something better!
The Elf Car Costume comes with ears that are a sorry excuse for Middle-Earthian appendages, and a completely inexplicable striped hat for your grille that would look far more at home perched on the noggin of a Where’s Waldo cosplayer. The product info states that the elf ears are easy to install on rolled-up windows. A design requirement or a safety precaution, given all the insults and ridicule that will likely be hurled in your direction? Only one way to find out!
License Plate Flash Frame ($29.99)
