It sometimes feels like Mother Nature’s stupid prank that summer must be so hot. Though I personally maintain there’s never a bad time for it, I concede coffee’s prime season effectively ended when the Kansas City Royals threw out the season’s first pitch. But with the days of cold drinks upon us come all the ever-present challenges.
The biggest fountain drinks practically never fit car cup holders, and over-icing to keep drinks cold means less to drink, and a watered-down beverage when the excess ice eventually melts. Canned thirst-quenchers heat seemingly too fast to savor them in the sun, but koozies can be so tacky, prone to wear-and-tear, and as ill-equipped to a cup holder as a Big Gulp.
That Thermos, the masters of keeping beverages the very temperatures God and Man intended them to be, should cure these specific summertime blues doesn’t shock me at all. These stainless steel can koozies – sold in sets of two – might be the last word you need in keeping on-the-go cold stuff cold.
Patented double-walled TherMax vacuum insulation will chill a cold beer or soda can up to three hours, but the exterior stays warm enough that you won’t have to worry about freezing a single finger off. More importantly, it will go wherever you go – ballpark, car, barbeque, wherever – with a durable scratch-resistant base and dimensions designed to fit most cup holders.
Here’s to you, Mother Nature. Bring it, bitch!
Can you say d’awwww? Well I’m sure you did when you saw the picture that comes with this post. Isn’t it absolutely adorable? Your very own Super Mario Luma plushie is just begging to be hugged!
Made of sugar and fleece and everything nice, these Luma plush toys are designed to be super cuddly and make for a perfect companion to a child – or a girl who happens to love cute things, or any Super Mario Galaxy fanatic, for that matter. It could even make a nice companion to a Halloween costume, or for a Mario Galaxy themed bedroom. And come on, who wouldn’t want to tote this lil’ guy around? Even the manliest of men would love to! Seriously, just go around asking. I bet not a single man will tell you he wouldn’t love this little thing.
A Luma plushie also makes a way better companion than shoving a little yippie dog into your purse. True fax.
This Aperture Science Mug isn’t really a coffee mug. Oh, I know exactly what the headline says. I don’t care. It needs correcting. It’s not a coffee mug. The confusion is understandable. But let me point something out that will make it all clear.
Do you see that branding, “Aperture Laboratories”? That’s the rub. This is not your standard coffee cup, friends – but the patent-pending 14 ounce Aperture Science Kahphee Portal. Wonderful thing, this little handheld, non-projectile portal. Hot beverages – OK, more often than not, the bean-derivative stimulant you monkey people call “coffee” – enter one portal and rapidly vanish within another to destination unknown.
Curiously, substances that enter this portal often exit into its opposite portal with “enhanced” characteristics; souped-up levels of sucrose and frequently increased levels of lactose. Some substances acquire an unidentifiable, undefined substance that is not quite dairy but that has also displayed curiously combustible properties.
But really, just between us … just us good friends … a mug? Really? All the science to do, and you think we wasted time just making a simple mug?
A tip from your trusted friend in science: not unlike cake, the headline is a lie.
Man Vs. Food has most likely taught an unsuspecting but grateful world one enduring lesson. Other than that dignity is the market price for a T-shirt, bumper sticker and/or Polaroid on a restaurant wall, and that Mother Nature didn’t give man multiple stomachs for a reason, it’s this: enormous food just tastes better. And may I say, duh! Those phenomenal pancakes in Uncle Buck taught me that decades before.
Each of these oreos cake pans holds a ludicrous four cups of cake batter. In perspective, most whole boxes of cake mix yield about four to six cups. Would one even double this to make a Double-Stuff Oreo cake? Must we test the moral bounds of science by daring push the “stuff” into the exponential range? Stuff-Cubed Oreo, anyone? Stuff to the 10th power?
OK, kids, let’s all mop the drool before continuing. It’s not an actual crispy Oreo cookie, but this set of two non-stick aluminum cake pans allows for creating a mouth-watering, amazing facsimile. Why, only the Nabisco logo is missing, and that’s just licensing issues for you. Still, each pan makes a sandwich cookie cake that’s 1.5 inches thick and a staggering 9.75 inches in diameter. Stick to the included recipe, and you’ll craft a couple of incredible simulated Oreos cakes ready for a layer of the frosting of your choice in between. Your replica will be letter-perfect at first glance. For that last authentic touch, grab the closest knife and etch a Nabisco (or Hydrox, for all we care) logo into the top cookie. And for those who don’t care for chocolate, vanilla cake would make an equally delicious substitution.
This set also includes a 10-year warranty. Hand wash them with soapy water, avoiding abrasives and scouring pads, and begin the decade-long reign of the species that science will surely classify Orea freakingenormous.
I firmly believe that harming a good book in any way should be punishable by law. Ripping the pages, ruining the binding, drawing pictures of ninjas fighting dragons inside the covers and other such actions are the most heinous of crimes. Unless of course you commit these crimes and make something totally awesome with the remains. That is exactly what exempts these hollowed book safes from being such an offense.
Hardcover copies of various books – from classics including Gone With the Wind to contemporary tomes like The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – are bound together and then pages are carved out, creating a nifty little hiding place for whatever can fit into the given space. You could hide cash, a stash, a flask, or some more intimate items in these hollowed out books without worrying about anyone other than a fellow bookworm stumbling across them. As a packrat and book lover, this just screams useful. These also make perfect gifts and wrapping; imagine the surprise on a person’s face when they open their new hollow book safe and find a gifted trinket (or sneaky flask) inside!
Thermos Stainless Steel Can Insulator ($27.95 for two)
