Trekkies really don’t need this spelled out. But since this t-shirt puts a fine point on it anyway, and every episode of every season of every Star Trek series will soon arrive for glorious Netflix streaming …
Never get attached to the ones wearing red. They’re dancing death’s tango, and it’s not a long tune. And never pretend Kirk, Spock, Bones, Picard, Riker, Janeway and the like don’t know this. Starfleet only deems the fine young photon-fodder “ensigns” because “singed and smoking pair of black boots” doesn’t fit the “rank” line on a death certificate. Truth is, they’re walking, talking, one-named range-finders for the ranking officers in the away team to note what exactly denotes a “safe distance” from ugly death.
That distance being, about 50 feet back from where Ensign Rory’s furthest scrap of charred flesh landed. That should do it.
Ah, but never was a red death in vain. Ever since William Shatner’s original 1960s traveling circus, it has been the idiom for “we wouldn’t miss you until it was your turn to cover the bar tab.” So buy this red Star Trek shirt – obviously not for yourself, unless you want to coat yourself with soot and debris and make a self-deprecating Halloween costume of it. Find someone in your life whose cha-cha on your last nerve is getting a touch old. Present shirt. If the death magnet gets the message, then ’nuff said. But should that harbinger of unfortunate random demise bite a thumb at the Geeks of Fate and actually wear the thing, see if on that day your acquaintance wouldn’t mind touring a working construction site. Perhaps a Chilean coal mine.
And if that person wears some slick-looking black boots, make sure they’re your size. They won’t be needing them for long.
Expendable T-Shirt ($19.99)
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