I recently watched the first three Karate Kid movies for the first time in over a decade. I realized something very quickly: Mr. Miyagi is absolutely full of shit.
Movie after movie after movie, he tells Daniel-san, then Julie-san, then I have to presume Son-of-Fresh-Prince-of-Bel-Air-san (since I refuse to see the remake), that they should all avoid fighting no matter the cost. But nearly every single movie, what ends up happening? Miyagi doesn’t exactly offer stubborn resistence to unleashing his “weapon of choice” upon the pair’s designated rival. And by movie’s end, our favorite sawed-off vigilante steps into something that doesn’t concern him at all, and personally waxes on and waxes off the ass of at least a handful of black-belts half the man’s age!
Come to think of it, it’s a small wonder that Ralph Macchio never pondered this and ad libbed in The Karate Kid Part III, “Easy for you to say, you little wrinkly hypocrite! It’s my ass that keeps getting handed to me, not yours!”
Well, someone had to ultimately say it, so it might as well be a t-shirt. By Part III, there was precious little doubt who would be mopping the floor with whose face, or what these two were really thinking every time someone stepped to them. Plain and simple: we will destroy you.
Keep the bodybag, Zabka. You’ll be needing it more than they will.
Trekkies really don’t need this spelled out. But since this t-shirt puts a fine point on it anyway, and every episode of every season of every Star Trek series will soon arrive for glorious Netflix streaming …
Never get attached to the ones wearing red. They’re dancing death’s tango, and it’s not a long tune. And never pretend Kirk, Spock, Bones, Picard, Riker, Janeway and the like don’t know this. Starfleet only deems the fine young photon-fodder “ensigns” because “singed and smoking pair of black boots” doesn’t fit the “rank” line on a death certificate. Truth is, they’re walking, talking, one-named range-finders for the ranking officers in the away team to note what exactly denotes a “safe distance” from ugly death.
That distance being, about 50 feet back from where Ensign Rory’s furthest scrap of charred flesh landed. That should do it.
Ah, but never was a red death in vain. Ever since William Shatner’s original 1960s traveling circus, it has been the idiom for “we wouldn’t miss you until it was your turn to cover the bar tab.” So buy this red Star Trek shirt – obviously not for yourself, unless you want to coat yourself with soot and debris and make a self-deprecating Halloween costume of it. Find someone in your life whose cha-cha on your last nerve is getting a touch old. Present shirt. If the death magnet gets the message, then ’nuff said. But should that harbinger of unfortunate random demise bite a thumb at the Geeks of Fate and actually wear the thing, see if on that day your acquaintance wouldn’t mind touring a working construction site. Perhaps a Chilean coal mine.
And if that person wears some slick-looking black boots, make sure they’re your size. They won’t be needing them for long.
Teefury.com is an awesome site that offers limited time sales on completely original (and often nerdalicious) t-shirt designs – and this one is no exception. In fact, we thought today’s design by WinterArtwork was so exceptional, we had to put up a post as quickly as possible so our readers could share the love!
Edit: This design is no longer available from TeeFury, but may be purchased directly from the designer. See the link below!
We’ve seen our share of Firefly tees, but they’re usually not all that special – that’s why I love this Browncoats t-shirt that pays homage specifically to Firefly’s die-hard fans. It’s only available today (April 25th) from TeeFury, so snatch it up soon, Browncoats. Shiny!
Ever played The Sims and wished that life could be controlled by a click? Are you a fan of every point-and-click game you can think of? Wish you could run around and physically click on things just like some kind of realistic video game character? Well you’ll probably get some strange looks and end up in some sort of wacky situation for doing so, but now you can have it your way! This adorable 8-bit mouse cursor necklace is just the thing to satisfy mid-day clicking urges, as well as flaunt your love for arrows and/or mice. You could also walk around pretending somebody is controlling you with the arrow and insist that any groping you do is simply beyond your control. Or if groping isn’t your thing, just “click” on a few people until one of them tells you the information you need to continue your quest.
Or, y’know … until they threaten to call the cops.
A while back, one of my Twitter friends posted a photo of a funny trend going around Phoenix, wherein people put up flyers in coffee shops and cafés featuring Lionel Richie’s somber, yearning face and the text: “Hello … is it me you’re looking for?” Now perhaps you need to be somewhat of an 80′s music connoisseur to appreciate this, as the song “Hello” had its heyday back in 1984. But as one who grew up listening to Lionel Richie on vinyl, rocking my little tush out to “Dancing on the Ceiling” and “All Night Long”, I have a soft spot for his music – and as one of his most romantic/haunting ballads, it tickled me to think that “Hello” was turning into some kind of meme. Imagine my surprise when I found it on a t-shirt as well!
Maybe it’s my goofy sense of humor, but I think it would be kind of epic to wear this shirt on a first date. If she’s got a good sense of humor (and even better, an appreciation for 80′s music) you are so golden!
“We Will Destroy You” Tee ($19 and up)
