Oh, bobbleheads. Do your whimsies know an end? See those planetoid-sized noggins weeble wobble to and fro, back and forth, side to side and try keeping a dour expression. I double dares ya! That being said, I consider anything that would bait me or anyone else into laughing before the visage of the greatest of the Great Old Ones a sick, sick entrapment.
If one can’t tell, Cthulhu is a little something of a patron saint here in the Palace of Geekdom, to whom we pay most frequent homage. That isn’t by choice. Our patron saint was first a big mischievous St. Bernard named Schubert but Cthulhu ate it. Then it was going to be the cast of St. Elsewhere – kind of a “dramatic ensemble of saints” thing – but Cthulhu ate them too. We hoped after that debacle, he’d be so full that he couldn’t devour 1980′s sitcom star Susan St. James. We were wrong.
But I think it’s panned out. When we’re working hard but not hard enough, Cthulhu makes us snap-to. At the Geek Gems Home Office and its three Midwest satellite locations, destractions abound. Mass Effect 2 and Dragon Age are SRS BZNS. So is The Office. And Archer. And always Twitter. But when production flags as we reach for remote controls, games and controllers, we meet the Great Old One’s amber-eyed visage as that comically unstable noggin wobbles emphatically side to side as if to warn us one last time, “Don’t even think about it! MOAR comical underpants! MOAR British sci-fi inspired kitchenwares! MOAR Wayne’s World! MOAR!”
Which is why we have a proposal, and to quash rumors, it is not borne of a certain demigod’s hinting that failure will result in the eating of a New Orleans-based football team: bigger Cthulhu bobble heads! Six-foot ones! Seems that green gentleman thinks with one good stare down and a wild nod of his tentacle chin from the House floor, he could have Congress not just balancing a budget but personally apologizing at every American household’s doorstep.
You’ll believe in change. Or else.