I’m a gentle, peaceful kind of guy, as many tech-geeks are. Yet there are times when someone I run into provokes me and stokes my fires of anger until I feel “I just want to shoot that jerk!” Of course, bullets hurt, felony convictions tend to put a damper on one’s online gaming time, and, seriously: do you know how hard it is to get bloodstains out of a carpet? So I grind my teeth, swallow my anger and think to myself “next time …”
Well, good news, folks: “next time” is now! With the AirZooka air bazooka, you have all the satisfaction of shooting that unpleasant someone who is pushing your buttons, without using a dangerous projectile, for the AirZooka shoots nothing more harmful than a cyclonic blast of air! Yep, that’s right – you can send an atmospheric swirl at a target over 20 feet away; it even comes with a laser sight for pin-point accuracy. And hey – there’s no incriminating ammunition residue: even the geniuses at C.S.I. can’t run a test for AirZooka air gun firing!
Of course, annoying pests are hardly the only target for your new AirZooka,. You can tousle-at-a-distance the hair of that Miss (or Mister) Priss two cubicles over who spends 4 hours on hair styling. Want to mess with a drowsy friend half-asleep on the futon? Send a mini-tornado at them from across the room. And while I certainly don’t advocate animal cruelty, I can’t wait to send a blast of air at whichever of my cats woke me up at 2:47 this morning by chewing my hair.
So, get yourself an AirZooka bazooka and begin your atmospheric reign of terror. Or better yet, get two and have apocalyptic battles with the breeziest of elements!
Oh, bobbleheads. Do your whimsies know an end? See those planetoid-sized noggins weeble wobble to and fro, back and forth, side to side and try keeping a dour expression. I double dares ya! That being said, I consider anything that would bait me or anyone else into laughing before the visage of the greatest of the Great Old Ones a sick, sick entrapment.
If one can’t tell, Cthulhu is a little something of a patron saint here in the Palace of Geekdom, to whom we pay most frequent homage. That isn’t by choice. Our patron saint was first a big mischievous St. Bernard named Schubert but Cthulhu ate it. Then it was going to be the cast of St. Elsewhere – kind of a “dramatic ensemble of saints” thing – but Cthulhu ate them too. We hoped after that debacle, he’d be so full that he couldn’t devour 1980′s sitcom star Susan St. James. We were wrong.
But I think it’s panned out. When we’re working hard but not hard enough, Cthulhu makes us snap-to. At the Geek Gems Home Office and its three Midwest satellite locations, destractions abound. Mass Effect 2 and Dragon Age are SRS BZNS. So is The Office. And Archer. And always Twitter. But when production flags as we reach for remote controls, games and controllers, we meet the Great Old One’s amber-eyed visage as that comically unstable noggin wobbles emphatically side to side as if to warn us one last time, “Don’t even think about it! MOAR comical underpants! MOAR British sci-fi inspired kitchenwares! MOAR Wayne’s World! MOAR!”
Which is why we have a proposal, and to quash rumors, it is not borne of a certain demigod’s hinting that failure will result in the eating of a New Orleans-based football team: bigger Cthulhu bobble heads! Six-foot ones! Seems that green gentleman thinks with one good stare down and a wild nod of his tentacle chin from the House floor, he could have Congress not just balancing a budget but personally apologizing at every American household’s doorstep.
You’ll believe in change. Or else.
Welcome to the very first Geek Gems Giveaway! We’re thrilled to partner with Cherrybox Studios, creators of the wonderfully wacky and utterly unique Plushkill Forest. Earlier this month, we wrote about their awesome mounted head plush animals, and now one lucky reader will win the classic Unicorn Plush for their very own! Read all the details below:
Giveaway Item: Plushkill Forest Unicorn, valued at $80
Eligibility: Ages 18+, Worldwide
Entrance Period: April 29 – May 5, 2011 (11:59pm EST)
Main Entry: Visit the Cherrybox Studios website, then come back to this post and leave a comment, letting us know which item is your favorite. Be sure to either sign in with a social networking account or use a valid email address when you leave your comment, so we can contact you if you win. Limit one comment entry per person.
Receive one (1) additional entry each by completing these optional steps:
- Send out a tweet linking to this post. Be sure include @GeekGems or @Scarlettopia in the tweet to receive credit;
- Add a comment (limit one per person) to the wall post for this giveaway on the Geek Gems Facebook page;
- Link to this giveaway on your personal blog, then email us the link to your post OR leave the link in a comment below.
The winner will be selected by a random number drawing on Friday, May 6th. Best of luck to all who enter, and thank you again to Cherrybox Studios for sponsoring this awesome giveaway!
Such curious things, our taste buds. Neither nature nor man has ever devised such a perfect, discerning filter. Whenever a substance touches those 2,000 to 8,000 miniscule buds that cover every tongue, soft palate, upper esophagus and epiglottis, those sensitive nodes take less than a heartbeat to deliver taste sensations coded as “salty”, “sweet”, “bitter”, “sour” or “umami” (which is a much more fun way to say “savory”), and describe each sensation’s balance and intensity. What we know as “taste” is really more akin to a sensory fingerprint. Now imagine if you could forge a fingerprint just by swapping out the ink. That, folks, is the power of the miracle berry.
Granted, the West African fruit Synsepalum dulcificum derives its casual moniker probably as much from the unique sweetness-indicating protein miraculin that bonds with taste buds as its near instant taste bud trickery. Nevertheless, the patrons of a “flavor tripping” party chronicled by no less than the New York Times swirled a mouthful of seeds from a berry in their mouths for a minute or so, then described Guinness-drowned lemon sorbet as tasting like a chocolate shake, and splashes of tabasco sauce tasting like “hot donut glaze.” Miraculous? Dubbing it the savory equal of water-to-wine seems hardly a stretch!
There’s always a catch, though: single miracle berries have a typical $2 market price, explaining why the party the Times covered had a $15 cover charge. But hope springs eternal! Just half of one of these Miracle Fruits Tablets will launch taste buds into an hour-long altered state wherein sweet foods like oranges will possess an enhanced, positively divine sweetness – and the sourest lemons and limes one could bite into will taste as sweet as candy. An entire miracle berry tablet will guarantee a still more intense experience, but as each package contains ten tablets, less could truly be more – especially since sharing is caring.
Imagine the applications! The challenges of stomaching healthy-but-horrid-tasting foods could be dashed by a single miracle fruit supplement. One can’t help but wonder the wonders that await one who combines these little tablets with a sack of the Harry Potter inspired “Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavored Beans”. Hmmm … From “booger” to “blueberry”? That’s positively miraculous.
With technology developing so fast these days, bracelets that consist of thin chains, annoying rusty clasps, and small, easily removed beads are becoming old hat. The geeky jewelry wearing public craves something edgy – something hip and electronic. I think this amazing little bracelet does just the trick. It features sterling silver findings and green malachite beads, but it’s true appeal is that it’s made from real circuit boards, making it a great gift and fashionable must-have for any geek girl in your life. It could be worn during a formal event for a touch of geek chic, on a normal hum-drum day, in the bedroom, or during a rigorous game of Minecraft. The possibilities are endless! And if that isn’t enough, the copper on the circuit boards is given a special coating so it will keep its shine. Think of it as an amazing way to look nerdy and trendy … and maybe to send a flash of light into the eyes of people you don’t like. A real triple threat!